


How Very Fitting

by Ripwhitewolf



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Blue and Gansey have a baby, Emotions, F/M, Fluff, Future, Goodbyes, Henry mentioned a couple of times, Love Henry but this is for Noah so he takes backseat for a while, M/M, Noah Czerny gets his closure, Noah Gansey, Post canon, ley lines, parents Blue and Gansey, parents Ronan and Adam, proper goodbye for cinnamon role noah, they have a little Thai girl, they have careers and houses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripwhitewolf/pseuds/Ripwhitewolf
Summary: Blue bounced the baby in her arms as she grizzled and the two children played peekaboo and sang to her. Blue made out the words Noah was singing softly to Aurora and looking sharply to Ronan.“Ronan Lynch,” she barked fiercely, “Would you like to explain to me why my son is singing the murder squash song?”The other two groaned while Ronan held up his hands in mock surrender, “Hey, I didn’t teach him anything.”At this point Noah realised the table was talking about him and looked up with his large hazel eyes. “Oh no, Uncle Ronan didn’t teach me,” he said, "It was Noah."Blue is living her life, married with her son and being domestic with her friends, but something is missing. They feel Noah's absence and one day her son, named after their dead friend, mentions something about a boy in his room who visits on his birthday.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betaed I'm sorry

Blue Sargent did a lot of things it her life because they felt fitting. 

She took a road trip with Henry and Gansey because it felt fitting. She went abroad for a year to teach Cambodian children to read because it felt fitting. She returned to study Environmental Science at the University of Virginia because it felt fitting. 

Maybe fitting wasn’t the right word. In any case, every decision she made and every new life event felt like a new piece falling into place and resolving the puzzle that had been her life for 17 years. Fitting, belonging, right, perfect. They were all synonyms in her opinion.

Saying yes to Gansey’s proposal in the quiet Camaro at the tender age of 22 and agreeing to move to their own place in Henrietta was one of these perfect, fitting things. This was further proven when a house came on the market that was right on the ley line and in Blue’s price range- as she had insisted she pay for half. So they moved into their perfect house (dubbed the Cottage, though it was bigger than 300 Fox Way) and Gansey studied history with the eyes of someone who knew magic coated it in his cosy home office, and Blue worked as a horticulturalist in Henrietta. 

They got married at the Barns at Adam and Ronan’s insistence (mostly Adam’s). Opal had danced ahead as her flower girl, and Maura gave her away while Calla sat on the front row with an empty space beside her in honour of Persephone. Likewise, a place was left for Noah as a groomsmen beside Ronan and it felt to Blue like all her raven boys where there. The Grey Man had made her a daisy chain which she wore in her hair (which had been de-clipped and thus de-spiked for the occasion), and she walked on bare feet in a simple homemade dress. The whole day was simple, eventful and fitting.

Adam and Ronan’s wedding was even more so, with only her, Gansey, Henry, Maura, Calla, Declan, Matthew and, of course, Opal in attendance. They’d wanted in at Cabeswater- the new Cabeswater that Ronan had re-dreamed- and it didn’t take to well to crowds. As Blue had danced with her husband among the trees she felt a new piece slide into place and fit warmly against her heart as the trees whispered ‘puer’ in her ear. 

Their son was born on a St Marks Eve, and Blue had stubbornly insisted on a home birth. So as she whimpered in her room (because Blue Gansey was tough goddamnit and she would not wail like a banshee) her family made of both psychics and raven boys sat in the living room with baited breath. He was born at 11:59pm at the exact time the power went out. They called him Noah because, of course, that was fitting. 

The arrival of this giggly little boy, who had Gansey’s eyes and Blue’s skin, felt like the final piece of the puzzle. She recalled her 16 year old self who had lived in dissatisfaction and self-pity as she had waited for something more. She had found the more with the boys and the search, and this more had continued to grow and change until it bought her here. Here with her husband playing with her son who squawked and giggled so hard his little body careened over. 

She remembered Gansey telling her they had been rich in love as children. If they were rich, Noah was wealthier than Steve Jobs and Mark Zukaberg combined. He was adored by Gansey’s parents who were constantly buying him teddy bears the size of his cot, and by his aunt Helen who gushed about him to her friends. Gansey claimed he’d never seen her gush about anything in his life. His Grandmother was constantly checking his future, cooing that he had more potential than his mother with a cheeky grin, and Calla baby talked to him when she thought no one was looking. But his Uncles loved him the most. Ronan was always kidnapping him and taking him to the Barnes to show him the cows and the mice, and “look at the pretty raven Noah! Can you saw Chainsaw?” Adam sat with him for hours reading to him and showing him Ronan’s dream things while helping his clumsy baby mouth around words and promising to show him how to fix a car when he grew up so he wasn’t useless like his dad. Henry would chase him around the house, roaring at him and promising to “come and eat you,” or entertain him with Robo-bee until he fell asleep. However much to everyone’s dismay, Noah’s favourite was Opal. Whenever he saw her he always reached for her with helpless baby grunts that eventually became “Pul!” Sometimes she was the only thing that stopped him from crying, and frankly Blue was tempted to kidnap her and force her to live at their house.

Blue was immensely proud of her family. Sometimes when she watched any one of them do something as mundane as yawn, or sneeze, or even breathe, she was struck with how immensely lucky she was to have each of them in her life. At the same time, she couldn’t help but feel a piece was missing. A piece in the shape of a small smudgy boy who was eternally 17. When she held her son sometimes all she could think was, ‘Noah would have loved you.’

It was the day after Noah’s fourth birthday that they realised he was psychic. 

There was no single event that made them realise it. Many strange, ‘coincidental’ type events occurred before they were forced to admit that they were not coincidences. He informed them that someone was coming over before they called to tell them; he told Ronan and Adam that they would have a cousin for him next Tuesday the day before the adoption agency called; he grabbed all his toys off the lawn when the sun was out, only for it to begin raining 15 minutes later. Blue had known from the start that they had never been coincidences, she had just wanted them to be. It wasn’t that she was bothered by the fact that her son was psychic, it was that she didn’t want him to be different from her.  
It was on St Mark’s day however, that they were forced to fully recognise the extent of his ability. Blue and her raven boys (minus Henry) were celebrating Noah’s birthday at the Cottage. Noah’s birthday was usually a two day affair because though he was technically born on the 24th of April, it was in the final minute of the day so celebrations usually carried onto St Mark’s Day. Blue, Gansey, Ronan and Adam sat around the rustic wooden table, while Opal and Noah crouched between Blue and Adam, cooing at the little Thai baby girl that was the newest addition to the Lynch-Parrish family. 

“Where are you sending the terror to school, Blue?” Ronan asked, smirking, “Aglionby?” 

Blue made a face at Ronan who continued smirking back at her as Gansey answered. 

“We are making a compromise. Junior and middle school at Henrietta High, high school at Aglionby.” He said it cautiously. They had fought over this, and Blue had objected more on principal rather than actually wanting to win the argument. Rationally Blue knew Aglionby was the wisest choice, but old habits die hard and she couldn’t help but think how sixteen year old Blue would react knowing that both her husband and son were raven boys.

“How mature of you,” Ronan said, mocking them without malice. Most of Ronan was bitter less these days but, like Blue, old habits die hard and he had a reputation to maintain. 

Adam scoffed at his husband, “because you are the epitome of maturity,” he said, his eyes laughing. He turned to Blue and Gansey. “Yesterday he fought with me for an hour because I read Aurora ‘the wrong story book.’”

Ronan flushed, “Fuck off, Parrish.”

Opal and Noah looked up, Opal delighted as she often was when her father swore, and Noah confused.

“What’s fuck mean?” he innocently asked the adults around him, two of which looked horrified, another weary and the last arrogantly amused. 

“Ronan!” Gansey chastised, while Blue assured him he didn’t need to know, and no please don’t ask Grandma. 

They continued with their good-natured and familiar banter, wondering how Henry was going with his new girlfriend he’d travelled to New York with, and asking about the Barnes and Adam’s firm and how the new baby was going.

Said baby began to winge and Blue offered to take her which Adam gratefully accepted.  
“She’s allergic to sleep,” he said wearily.

“Adam and I haven’t had sex in-” 

“Ronan!” Adam barked, with a nervous glance to Noah and Opal, who were thankfully engrossed in trying to stop Aurora from winging. 

Blue bounced the baby in her arms as she grizzled and the two children played peekaboo and sang to her. Blue made out the words Noah was singing softly to Aurora and looking sharply to Ronan.

“Ronan Lynch,” she barked fiercely, “Would you like to explain to me why my son is singing the murder squash song?”

The other two groaned while Ronan held up his hands in mock surrender, “Hey, I didn’t teach him anything.”

At this point Noah realised the table was talking about him and looked up with his large hazel eyes. “Oh no, Uncle Ronan didn’t teach me,” he said, then picked up Aurora’s chubby fists and began moving them, singing, “Squash one, squash two…”

The four of them frowned. “Where did you learn it buddy?” Gansey asked, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Noah,” Noah said nonchalantly, still focused on playing with the baby.  
Blue felt her heart squeeze and her stomach clench. 'It’s not what you think it is,' she told herself. 

“You taught it to yourself?” Adam pressed. 

Aurora had stopped whinging so he dropped her fists and looked at the adults who were staring intently at him. “No,” he said, “Noah. The boy from my room. He visits me on my birthday to keep the spirits away. He says that song will make it better.”

Blue felt an eerie chill up her spine, and worried she might drop the baby she placed her back in her bouncer. “What did you say,” she breathed.

“Noah says that I was born on St Mark’s Eve on a… lay… line so the spirits like to visit me. He stays with me so I don’t get scared.” 

Blue felt frozen. This did not feel fitting, this did not feel right. Noah was gone… dead… like he was supposed to be. She had thought he was resting, finally peaceful. The thought that he was stuck, invisible to them, made her feel sick. 

Noah continued, “He says he only exists on St Mark’s Eve though. He comes because he has my name and that brings him but then he has to go back.” 

Gansey lent forward across the table, looking… undone. “Is he okay? Is he happy?” 

Noah shrugged and picked up one of Aurora’s toys to fiddle with it. “I think so,” he said, “He doesn’t seem sad.” He dropped the toy and pulled on Blue’s clothes. “Mummy, can I go show Opal my presents?” he asked, turning his innocent and oblivious eyes on her. She nodded, bewildered and he grabbed Opal’s hand to skip away to his bedroom. 

“What the fuck,” Ronan said, and no one chastised him this time. “No seriously, what the fuck?”

“What does this mean?” Adam asked, looking to Blue.

“How would I know? You’re the magician,” she responded.

“I haven’t been the magician in a long time,” he pointed out. 

“We should call Maura,” Gansey said, “Her and Calla might be able to work their magic and come up with something.” 

Blue waved a hand. “Yes that’s a good idea and all but is anyone worried? Is Noah stuck in a weird purgatory where he can only talk to a child once a year?”

“We won’t know until we talk to Maura,” Gansey insisted and reached for Blue’s hand. “There’s no point in being worried over something that might not be an issue.”

Blue appreciated his touch and allowed herself to nod, but inside her mind was whirring. She felt disjointed and shaken, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Shame welled inside her at the thought of her living her happy, merry life while Noah was trapped in an invisible hell. Plus, the thought of her son being haunted by spirits every Saint Mark’s Eve was a horrifying thought, and she felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for her fallen friend. 

“Where are you Noah?” she whispered.

 

It turns out that Maura and Calla weren’t much help about Noah. The best they could tell them was what little Noah had already said, however they did have light to shed on the spirits-in-her-son’s-bedroom situation.

“He’s powerful,” Maura said, “I told you about his potential. His power plus your energy plus the day of his birth plus living on a ley line is like a giant beacon for them, so it draws them here and somehow it calls Noah from somewhere… beyond.”

“What is beyond,” Adam asked.

“Is he safe wherever it is?” Blue added.

“I don’t know,” Maura confessed, “I can’t tell where or what it is just that it is… beyond here. Beyond this… dimension?” She said dimension as a question, as if she herself knew how ridiculous it sounded but had no other words. 

“So what do we do?” asked Gansey, “How can we find out if he’s okay?”

“You can’t,” Calla replied bluntly, “He’s not here anymore weren’t you listening? You’ll have to wait until next St Mark’s Eve.”

“What?” Ronan implored, “What are we supposed to do until then. That’s a year.”

“I’m sorry,” Maura said apologetically. “That’s all you can do.”

The knot in Blue’s chest had not loosened. If anything it had tightened. A year was a very long time to worry about a friend and the thought of feeling this way for 12 months was torturous. It certainly did not fit into the carefree and almost perfect life she had made for herself. 

“Grandma! Aunty Calla!” Noah exploded into the room and wrapped himself between their legs, beaming up at them. He turned to Blue, “Momma can they stay for cake.”

For a moment, Blue saw a ghost of his namesake in Noah’s smile and her chest ached. She tried hard to keep her voice level as she replied. “Oh course baby.”

 

When Blue was a little girl, Christmas Eve had been her least favourite day of the year. Despite knowing that Santa did not exist from a very young age, she still loved the gift giving and electric atmosphere at 300 Fox Way on Christmas Day. But, because she was so excited for Christmas Day, Christmas Eve would go so incredibly slowly. Every time she checked the clock the minute hand had only moved 10 minutes when she was sure it had been an hour, and when she lay in bed no matter how hard she tried to sleep, she couldn’t. She was restless and anxious for the day to arrive. 

This was what this year felt like, except it was 365 Christmas Eves in a row.  
They all tried to keep busy and not talk about it, because talking about it made the days go slower. So they pretended it wasn’t coming, even though it hung over every conversation and was constantly at the tip of her tongue. Even though it kept both her and Gansey up at night, even when they both gave up on sleep and sat together in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate. 

They celebrated birthdays, Christmas and New Years and each one merely a distraction from the wait. This was not fitting, belonging, right or perfect. This was torture.  
Finally, they awoke on the 24th of April to a little boy (who would be turning five at 11:59 that evening) jumping on their bed. Gansey grabbed him, pulled him down and softly noogied his brown curls and tickled his sides while he squealed. 

“Is it someone’s birthday?” he said, relenting and allowing Noah to sit in his lap.

“Is it mine?” Blue asked, sitting herself up in bed. Despite her eagerness and anxiety for this evening, this was Noah’s day and she was not going to let the selfish part of her wish the day away. 

“No!” Noah squawked, appalled, “it’s mine!”

“Oh that’s right,” Blue said, bumping him affectionately on the nose. “Do you know what that means?”

“Pancakes!” he cried and started tugging them out of bed. “Come on Momma, come on Daddy!”

 

Ronan and Adam arrived at 10, toting along Opal, who now looked 14 or 15 (they would never truly know her age) and a chubby cheeked Aurora who tottered unsteadily on her little legs. Henry, Maura, Calla, Jimi and Orla arrived around 12 for cake and as they all sat eating the aggressively sugary concoction they pretended they weren’t waiting for tonight. It would be just the four of them, as Henry had respectfully insisted that he had not known Noah much, if at all, and this was for them only, and Maura and Calla had excused themselves with similar musings. 

The adults made polite but useless conversation and were occasionally interrupted by a whinging Aurora who had fallen over, or not been permitted to play with Noah’s more delicate toys. 

When the others left, they all whispered their good byes and good lucks and their ‘send Noah my love’ and it was a little ambiguous which Noah they referred to.

When Aurora had finally gone to sleep, and Opal was entertaining herself with Gansey’s computer while Noah watched over her shoulder, they allowed themselves to talk about it.

“I miss him,” Ronan admitted, surprising them all by being the first one to speak, “Creepy little bastard.” If Blue had not known Ronan as well as she did, she would not have seen the sorrow in his solid and intimidating frame.

“He just kind of… slipped away,” Adam mused, “One day he was there, then he wasn’t.”

It struck Blue how little she noticed his absence when he’d first gone. How they had been so sorrowful at the loss of Glendower and so euphoric at the restoration of Gansey’s life that they had barely spared a thought. How they had been so involved in living, they had forgotten the dead? Suddenly, she found herself feeling dread. Would Noah be angry at them? Surely not as he had protected her son. Yet, in the past four times he had been in their house to protect her son, why had he not come to them? Their room was across the hallway. Her mind raced and she felt Gansey’s hand on hers. 

“Noah was my first kiss,” she said quietly. They turned to her. “I was visiting him in Monmouth while you two,” she gestured to Adam and Gansey, “where in DC for Gansey’s Mum’s congress thing. I told him about killing my true love if I kissed him, and he offered to kiss me. Because he wouldn’t die.” She smiled at the memory. “He was a terrible kisser,” she laughed, “but it was nice.”

The other three were silent for a moment.

“Bastard stole my girl,” Adam said in mock outrage. 

And well yes, technically she had been with Adam at the time. 

“Jane, how terrible of you.” Gansey shook his head in humorous disappointment. 

“Cheating bitch,” Ronan agreed, “You ruined Adam for all other women. Poor bastard had to fuck me just to get over it.”

The four of them began to laugh. It felt good to relieve the pressure of the year. Blue’s confession started a chain reaction, as Ronan had a funny story about Noah, then Adam, then Ronan again, then Gansey, and it continued like that. Swapping stories about their friend, continuing past Opal’s announcement that she was going to bed and when Noah crawled into Gansey’s lap because he was “not tired” and wanted to “talk like a big kid”, but fell asleep anyway. 

At 10, Noah yawned awake and looked up at Gansey. “Daddy the spirits are here.”

Blue felt frozen. The others went to move to Noah’s room but like her, were suddenly terrified. She blinked, gathering her courage, and yanked on both Gansey and Adam’s hands and began to lead them. They got the point, and Adam grabbed Ronan’s while Gansey held Noah and they walked to the little boy’s room. Noah seemed to be looking at something, and Blue realised with a jolt as something cold spread goose bumps on her skin that the spirits were here. Here in the hallway. Fear gripped her for a moment because what if they couldn’t see Noah. Surely they would, surely the connection they had all shared meant that they could-

They couldn’t.

The door to her son’s room was opened, and there was nothing. Just the Spiderman duvet-clad bed and the overflowing toy boxes.

“Maybe he’s not here yet?” Gansey said uncertainly. 

Little Noah however grinned in delight and waved. “Hi Noah,” he said to the empty air, and giggled at the idea of saying his own name to someone else. 

And this was devastating. They had all been waiting, hoping, wanting to see their friend for a year and they couldn’t. Blue wanted to hit something, and she saw this echoed on Ronan’s face. Neither of them did for the sake of little Noah. 

“I was wondering how long it would take you to realise I was around,” said Noah’s familiar voice, and they jumped looking for him in the tiny room. But it was just as empty as it had been. 

“Noah?” Blue asked, and her voice broke. “Where are you?”

“I’m here,” he said and it was Noah, her Noah, whose mouth moved. She jumped back in surprise and the others wheeled to look. Ronan swore. 

“I’m sorry, this is weird,” little Noah said with older Noah’s voice, “But he told me I could and I wanted to talk to you.” The sheepish roll of his shoulders, and the apologetic look was unfamiliar and eerily mature on the little boy’s features. 

“It’s okay,” Gansey said, and to Blue’s surprise she found it was. “Why can’t we see you like before?”

“It’s different now… I’m not here anymore. I only come on this day because I’m linked to your little boy,” Noah said, with little Noah’s mouth.

“Where are you now?” asked Ronan.

“I’m… beyond…? I guess. It’s like heaven, but not because I was stuck for so long and had so much to do with the ley line. It’s hard to explain… I can’t quite get to heaven but… the next best thing,” Noah replied. 

Blue felt relief wash over her. He was happy, he was not stuck.

“I’m so glad Noah,” Blue said, and was surprised to find her voice thick with emotion. Noah smiled a Noah smile and reached with her son’s hand to touch the spikes of her hair, which were less spikey now but the sentiment was there. She caught his hand and kissed it. “We miss you,” she said.

“I miss you all too. But I’ll see you again. I think because of all the stuff you had to do with the ley line, this is the place you’ll come, and there are people here I think you’d all be happy to see.” 

“But how are you here?” Adam asked, his eyes swimming.

Noah thought for a moment, searching for words to explain. “You named your son after me, who was born on a ley line on St Mark’s Eve. It created a link… or a mutual line of energy to connect us and it only lights on St Mark’s Eve. Day of the dead and all that stuff,” he said thoughtfully, “That’s the best I can explain it. You have a very powerful boy on your hands though.”

“So we’ve been told,” Gansey grinned. 

Noah’s eyes flickered, and suddenly the Noahish look to him was replaced with the innocence of Noah Gansey, before flicking back again. 

“Damn,” he said, “I don’t have much time. I use more energy possessing him.”

“Use mine,” Blue said, reaching out her hand, but Noah shook his head.

“I don’t think that will work,” he said kindly, “The energy is different now.” There was something about him that was different. He was Noah but… more Noah. He was less timid, more confident. Less like a ghost and more like a person. The place he was now made him more like he was when he was alive, and Blue felt warm and glad because of it. “I have to go soon, but I’ll be back next year. I wanted to say thank you to you guys. You were everything a dead boy could have wanted. I don’t know what would have happened to me without you.”

Blue tasted salt and realised she was crying. When Gansey spoken his voice was husky with emotion. “We’re sorry Noah. We’re sorry we forgot for a while.”

Noah smiled, “The living are supposed to forget the dead.”

“You were a shitty drag racing companion,” Ronan said huskily.

“And frankly a fucking awful wingman,” Adam added, and Noah laughed his sweet Noah laugh. 

He reached and touched Blue’s hair again, “I’m proud of you guys. I can still see you from where I am.” He turned to Blue, “So can Persephone. We liked the wedding.” Blue choked a sob and Noah turned to Ronan, “So can your Mum and Dad.” To Blue’s shock a tear rolled down Ronan’s stubbled cheek. He raised his hand and bumped fists with Noah. It was a strange sight to see her sons little hand bump against Ronan’s, but heart-warming all the same. He turned to Adam, “Niall loves you,” then Gansey, “And there’s a king waiting to meet you,” he said, and suddenly he was gone.

A very bewildered looking Noah Gansey looked at the teary adults around him. He touched his parent’s hands. “Mummy, Daddy… are you alright.”

Beside her Gansey turned away and shoved his fist in his mouth. Blue watched his shoulders shake and placed her hand on them briefly before bending to her son. Behind her Ronan buried his face in Adam’s neck. 

Her own tears streaked her face as she smiled at her remarkable little boy. “Thanks to you, we are all the best we’ve ever been.”

She scooped him up and walked to her husband, who pulled them both to him as his kissed their heads. 

 

Eventually, Gansey and Blue tucked Noah into bed, who blinked up them with tired eyes.

“Can you sing me the squash song? Noah didn’t sing it this year and the spirits go away when he sings it,” he asked, yawning. 

Blue and Gansey exchanged a glance, and Gansey leaned down to his son. “Only if you promise not to tell Uncle Ronan.”

Noah nodded and they both began to sign.

“Squash one, squash two…”

Two more voices joined them as Adam and Ronan leant beside them, Ronan’s eyes twinkling in smug joy. 

“Squash three, squash four…”

Blue had never imagined that this would ever be happening at any point in her life.

How very fitting.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the worst thing I've ever written I'm sorry but I had to get it out of my system. Please don't judge my ability on this but please read it and comment hahah
> 
> Also puer is child in Latin


End file.
